traumerei

(die) n. reverie, daydream, dreaming

  • 7th January
    2014
  • 07

I spend more than half of my waking hours in my office. That’s why I am very picky in choosing a job because a job for me isn’t just a way to earn money so I could continue living. Nor it is just a way for me to impress other people. A job is my way to value myself, to challenge myself and to express myself. It’s one of the few things in life I feel entitled to be selfish because hey, it’s half my life and it’s too precious to be sacrificed just for the satisfaction of other people.

There were two things that I loved the most when I was enrolling in Law School, event organizing and researching. That’s why, after those stressful months of working in a law firm, I decided to pursue a career as an event organizer in a law journalistic company. And that was insofar the best decision I’ve ever made on my career.

I am doing a job I chose to do, not what I was told to do by my parents or lecturers. Even though I’m working in a hectic and dynamic web portal, I have a relatively stress-free work life because I do love my job. 

I am doing things that I love. I have my freedom.

So why do I feel like I am trapped, or worst, chained in someone else’s life?

My conscience had kindly phrased it as acceptance, that I don’t really love my job but since I like it better than the other options that I could have, I insisted to love it. That my job is quite possibly the only right job for me, but not necessarily what I really want

What if this something that I really want to do isn’t available on those long list of options that I currently have?

My boyfriend once asked me, if I had had the chance to change my major so I could have other possible career paths, would I? And without hesitation I said yes, oh yes I would definitely change my major. I would have listened to my conscience on that fateful moment when I chose my major. I would’ve been valuing my interest rather than thinking about pleasing my parents. 

I should have circled the Literature major instead of Law.

But now, what can I do? It’s too late, definitely too late for me to start over.

But people say that it’s better late than never.

Really? I’ve spent four years struggling to finish my law degree with flying colors and I definitely won’t just throw it away. It’s better to accept the consequences of my own choice and bear with it, right? It’s not like I regret it that much; Law is still a very interesting subject and with all those happenings on the news my job is still as challenging as ever.

(but now that I think about it wouldn’t it be much more interesting to create an essay on Shakespeare’s works or make an in-depth analysis about how Lovecraft could establish his own genre or just make a review about the newest fiction out there)

Well, whatever. I have no reason not to love my job. I do what I want. And I want to love my job and that’s what I will do. Not even my conscience could tell me otherwise. 

(and so if it’s not my conscience who wants it, then who? is it my logic? is it my pride? is it my resignation? is it even my delusion? hallucination?)

(who really knows what i want?)

(who?)

  • 30th October
    2013
  • 30

It’s been a long time since the last time I posted on tumblr. My works are kind of eating away my time that I barely even had any time to enjoy my free time because mostly I just sleep them away. But thankfully last week my good friend shin had successfully force me to watch a show called “Kids on the Slope” which I finished overnight yesterday (and resulted in a very unproductive work day so please don’t follow my example). And yeah, it’s indeed a VERY GOOD show that I feel motivated to write and go tumblr-ing again.

So please expect my review for Kids on the Slope very soon!

  • 16th September
    2013
  • 16
  • 4th September
    2013
  • 04

Welcome Ozil!

This past week had been a week full of anxieties for all the gooners around the world. I’ve been intently keeping a watch on the transfer window, hoping that this season Arsenal would finally bring someone special that would be able to change the team for the better. All the rumors were making me restless; even though personally I’ve never been a fan of Suarez or Rooney, I was so desperate that I was hoping that Arsenal could just bring anyone, anyone as long as they have the playmaker quality because that’s what we’ve been needing after Fabregas and RvP left us.

I heard that there’s a possibility of Benzema, Casillas, di Maria and Higuain, and truth to be told, I was originally hoping that Higuain would be the one we got in the end. But then just two days before the end of the transfer window, I heard the news about Wenger’s offer to Real Madrid for bringing Mesut Ozil to the Emirates.

And I was like HOLY SHIT. Mesut Ozil was never in my mind because I thought it’s impossible for him to leave Madrid and play for the Premiere League. I’ve heard about the rumors about him being targeted by Wenger but I’ve never took them seriously. So when I heard the news about him finally joining Arsenal, it was an indescribable feeling. It was like you’re hoping for something you wanted so much but then you’re given something even better.

We’re still in a dire need to find a backup striker for Giroud, but with Ozil here, I believe we’re not that far from getting back the silverware. Welcome to Emirates, Ozil! And to all the wonderful Madridista out there, we promise you we will take a good care of your beloved baby, and we will love him as much as you do!

  • 23rd July
    2013
  • 23
chevalierviolet:

Keep Calm and Carry On was a propaganda poster produced by the Government of the United Kingdom in 1939 during the beginning of the Second World War, intended to raise the morale of the British public in the event of a Nazi invasion of Britain. It had only limited distribution, and thus was little known. The poster was rediscovered in 2000 and has been re-issued by a number of private companies, and used as the decorative theme for a range of products. It was believed there were only two known surviving examples of the poster outside government archives until a collection of 15 originals was brought in to the Antiques Roadshow in 2012 by the daughter of an ex-Royal Observer Corps member.
The poster was initially produced by the Ministry of Information, at the beginning of the Second World War. It was intended to be distributed in order to strengthen morale in the event of a wartime disaster. Over 2,500,000 copies were printed, although the poster was distributed only in limited numbers.
The poster was third in a series of three. The previous two posters from the series, “Freedom Is In Peril. Defend It With All Your Might” (400,000 printed) and “Your Courage, Your Cheerfulness, Your Resolution Will Bring Us Victory” (800,000 printed) were issued and used across the country for motivational purposes, as the Ministry of Information assumed that the events of the first weeks of the war would demoralize the population. Planning for the posters started in April 1939; by June designs were prepared, and by August 1939, they were on their way to the printers, to be placed up within 24 hours of the outbreak of war. The posters were designed to have a uniform device, be a design associated with the Ministry of Information, and have a unique and recognizable lettering, with a message from the King to his people. An icon of a crown was chosen to head the poster, rather than a photograph. The slogans were created by civil servants, with a career civil servant, Waterfield, coming up with “Your Courage” as “a rallying war-cry that will bring out the best in everyone of us and put us in an offensive mood at once”. These particular posters were designed as “a statement of the duty of the individual citizen”, un-pictorial, to be accompanied by more colloquial designs. The “Your Courage” poster was much more famous during the war, as it was the first of the Ministry of Information’s posters.
The poster’s popularity has been attributed to a “nostalgia for a certain British character, an outlook” according to the Bagehot column in The Economist, that it “taps directly into the country’s mythic image of itself: unshowily brave and just a little stiff, brewing tea as the bombs fall.”
It is believed that most of the Keep Calm posters were destroyed and reduced to a pulp at the end of the war in 1945. However, nearly 60 years later, a bookseller from Barter Books stumbled across a copy hidden amongst a pile of dusty old books bought from an auction. A small number also remain in the National Archives and the Imperial War Museum in London, and a further 15 were discovered in the BBC’s Antiques Roadshow to have been given to Moragh Turnbull, from Cupar, Fife, by her father William, who served as a member of the Royal Observer Corps.
Its message has also been felt relevant to the late-2000s recession and has been adopted as an unofficial motto by British nurses, the poster appearing in staff rooms on hospital wards with increasing frequency throughout the 2000s.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keep_Calm_and_Carry_On
http://www.keepcalmandcarryon.com/history/

chevalierviolet:

Keep Calm and Carry On was a propaganda poster produced by the Government of the United Kingdom in 1939 during the beginning of the Second World War, intended to raise the morale of the British public in the event of a Nazi invasion of Britain. It had only limited distribution, and thus was little known. The poster was rediscovered in 2000 and has been re-issued by a number of private companies, and used as the decorative theme for a range of products. It was believed there were only two known surviving examples of the poster outside government archives until a collection of 15 originals was brought in to the Antiques Roadshow in 2012 by the daughter of an ex-Royal Observer Corps member.

The poster was initially produced by the Ministry of Information, at the beginning of the Second World War. It was intended to be distributed in order to strengthen morale in the event of a wartime disaster. Over 2,500,000 copies were printed, although the poster was distributed only in limited numbers.

The poster was third in a series of three. The previous two posters from the series, “Freedom Is In Peril. Defend It With All Your Might” (400,000 printed) and “Your Courage, Your Cheerfulness, Your Resolution Will Bring Us Victory” (800,000 printed) were issued and used across the country for motivational purposes, as the Ministry of Information assumed that the events of the first weeks of the war would demoralize the population. Planning for the posters started in April 1939; by June designs were prepared, and by August 1939, they were on their way to the printers, to be placed up within 24 hours of the outbreak of war. The posters were designed to have a uniform device, be a design associated with the Ministry of Information, and have a unique and recognizable lettering, with a message from the King to his people. An icon of a crown was chosen to head the poster, rather than a photograph. The slogans were created by civil servants, with a career civil servant, Waterfield, coming up with “Your Courage” as “a rallying war-cry that will bring out the best in everyone of us and put us in an offensive mood at once”. These particular posters were designed as “a statement of the duty of the individual citizen”, un-pictorial, to be accompanied by more colloquial designs. The “Your Courage” poster was much more famous during the war, as it was the first of the Ministry of Information’s posters.

The poster’s popularity has been attributed to a “nostalgia for a certain British character, an outlook” according to the Bagehot column in The Economist, that it “taps directly into the country’s mythic image of itself: unshowily brave and just a little stiff, brewing tea as the bombs fall.

It is believed that most of the Keep Calm posters were destroyed and reduced to a pulp at the end of the war in 1945. However, nearly 60 years later, a bookseller from Barter Books stumbled across a copy hidden amongst a pile of dusty old books bought from an auction. A small number also remain in the National Archives and the Imperial War Museum in London, and a further 15 were discovered in the BBC’s Antiques Roadshow to have been given to Moragh Turnbull, from Cupar, Fife, by her father William, who served as a member of the Royal Observer Corps.

Its message has also been felt relevant to the late-2000s recession and has been adopted as an unofficial motto by British nurses, the poster appearing in staff rooms on hospital wards with increasing frequency throughout the 2000s.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keep_Calm_and_Carry_On

http://www.keepcalmandcarryon.com/history/

  • 16th July
    2013
  • 16

i used to draw a lot; i had this one sketchbook that was filled with my sketch of various people, objects and fictional characters. but then by the time i graduated from high school i lost my sketchbook and i was so devastated that i decided i won’t ever own a sketchbook again.

i was soo pissed because losing my sketchbook was like losing my three years worth of feelings and ideas and it’s just.. i don’t know how to phrase it correctly but maybe what i felt was resentment? i guess i loathed myself for being so careless that i could even lost it in the first place.

and now, seven years later, my hand is still itchy with the urge to draw, but i don’t know how to start. i still draw; but it’s just the doodles on the edge of my notes whenever i feel bored or simple chibi drawings on my letters and greeting cards. i really want to draw seriously, like spending one or two hours to sketch a photograph of my friend or a fanart of my favourite characters.

maybe it’s time to move on. i guess i’ve been so childish over such a simple matter. seven years are more than enough time for me to overcome my resentment and start anew.

off to go to buy a new sketchbook!

  • 15th July
    2013
  • 15

Bold What Applies To You

shining-likestars:

Appearance

  • I have/had piercings besides the ears.
  • I want piercings besides the ears.
  • I have a scar (a Harry Potter-like scar on my forehead yeah)
  • I tan easily.
  • I wish my hair was a different colour. (i really want to dye my hair though)
  • I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color (I have friends who have never seen my hair actually)
  • I have/want a tattoo.
  • I can be self-conscious about my appearance.
  • I have/had braces
  • I have more than two piercings. 

Embarrassment

  • Disney movies still make me cry sometimes.
  • I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
  • I’ve glued my hand to something.
  • I’ve laughed until some kind of beverage came out of my nose
  • I’ve had my pants rip in public.  
  • I’ve touched something sharp/hot/etc to see if it would hurt.

Health

  • I’ve gotten stitches.
  • I’ve broken or dislocated a bone.
  • I’ve had my tonsils removed.
  • I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
  • I’ve had chicken pox.

Travel

  • I’ve been to Florida.
  • I’ve driven/ridden over 200 kilometres in one day.
  • I’ve been on a plane.
  • I’ve been to California. 
  • I’ve been to Asia (I live in Asia)
  • I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
  • I’ve been to Vanuatu or the Mystery Islands.
  • I’ve been to the Caribbean.
  • I’ve been to Europe. 

Experiences

  • I’ve gotten lost in my city.
  • I’ve seen a shooting star.
  • I’ve wished on a shooting star.
  • I’ve seen a meteor shower.
  • I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
  • I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
  • I’ve slapped someone.
  • I’ve kissed someone underwater.
  • I’ve chugged something.
  • I’ve crashed a car. (I’ve crashed a vespa though)
  • I’ve been skiing. 
  • I’ve been in a musical.
  • I’ve auditioned for something.
  • I’ve been on stage.
  • I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
  • I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.
  • I’ve pranked someone.
  • I’ve ridden in a taxi.

Honesty / Crime

  • I’ve been threatened to be arrested.
  • I’ve done something I promised someone I wouldn’t. 
  • I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
  • I’ve snuck out.
  • I’ve lied about my whereabouts.
  • I’ve cheated while playing a game.
  • I’ve been in a fist fight.

Death

  • I’m afraid of dying (and having someone close to me dying)
  • I hate funerals.
  • I’ve seen someone/something die.
  • Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide.
  • I have attempted suicide.
  • I’ve thought about suicide before.
  • I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism

  • I own over 5 rap CD’s.
  • I’m obsessed with anime/manga.
  • I collected comic books.
  • I own a lot of makeup.
  • I own something from Pac Sun.
  • I own something from The Gap.
  • I own something I got on E-Bay.
  • I own something from Abercrombie.
  • I thrive on compliments.
  • I thrive on hate.

Random

  • I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
  • I open up to others easily. 
  • I watch the news occasionally or always (my workfield is journalism what else can I do)
  • I don’t like to kill bugs.
  • I sing in the shower.
  • I’m a morning person.
  • I’m a sports fanatic (yeah I’m Goonerette til I die)
  • I twirl my hair.
  • I care about grammar.
  • I love to spam friends.
  • I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
  • I bake well.
  • My favourite colour is either white, yellow, pink, blue, red, black, purple, or orange.
  • I would wear pajamas to school.
  • I like Martha Stewart.
  • I laugh at my own jokes.
  • I eat fast food weekly.
  • I can’t sleep if there’s a spider in the room.
  • I’m really ticklish.
  • I like white chocolate.
  • I bite/used to bite my nails.
  • I’m good at remembering names.
  • I’m good at remembering dates.
  • I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

People

  • ..used to ask if I was anorexic/bulimic.
  • ..called me fat.
  • ..have said I’m skinny.
  • ..have said I’m ugly.
  • ..have said I’m pretty.
  • ..have spread rumors about me.
  • ..force me to eat.
  • ..say I eat too much.
  • ..say I eat too little.

Eating

  • I’ve lost weight.
  • I’ve gained weight.
  • I’m at my thinnest.
  • I’m at my biggest.
  • I’ve lost weight and kept it off.
  • I’ve lost weight, but gained it back.
  • My weight affects my mood.
  • I diet.
  • I am/was a vegan/vegetarian.
  • I exercise.
  • I’ve fainted from exhaustion.
  • I’ve been diagnosed with an eating dosorder

Family

  • I’ve sworn at my parents.
  • I’ve planned to run away from home before.
  • I’ve run away from home.
  • I have a sibling less than one year old.
  • I want kids in the future.
  • I’ve had kids.
  • I’ve lost a child.

Relationships

  • I’m engaged.
  • I’m married.
  • I’m single.
  • I’ve gone on a blind date.
  • I have/had a friend with benefits.
  • I miss someone right now.
  • I have a fear of abandonment.
  • I’ve gotten divorced.
  • I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
  • Someone has/had feelings for me when I didn’t have them back.
  • I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
  • I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
  • Someone’s told you they loved you when you didnt love them back.
  • I’m a cuddler.
  • I’ve been kissed in the rain.
  • I’ve hugged a stranger.
  • I’ve kissed a stranger.

Bad times

  • I regularly drink.
  • I can’t swallow pills
  • I can swallow numerous pills at a time without difficulty.
  • I’ve been diagnosed with depression at some point.
  • I have/had anxiety problems.
  • I shut others out when I’m upset.
  • I don’t have anyone to talk to when I’m upset about something personal. (I don’t particularly like to share my personal problems, though)
  • I have taken/take anti-depressants.
  • I’ve slept an entire day before.
  • I’ve plotted revenge.
  • 11th July
    2013
  • 11
  • 9th July
    2013
  • 09
  • 27th June
    2013
  • 27
  • 26th June
    2013
  • 26
  • 25th June
    2013
  • 25

i will never understand fate. i used to think that fate is so cruel. like why should i fell in love with a guy if in the end we could never be together anyway.

Read More

  • 25th June
    2013
  • 25

thedevilswaiting:

The original story of the little mermaid is that she must kill the prince in order to be human, and in the end, she loves him too much and kills herself instead.

The artwork is too great not to reblog. 

Ok, ok - important expansion: she only has to kill the Prince because the deal was if he fell in love with her she could be human forever, and he didn’t. By which I mean, he was a good person and genuinely nice to her, but he didn’t fall in love. He fell in love with someone else, also perfectly nice - not the seawitch in disguise, fu Disney. The Mermaid is told she can only return to the sea now if she kills the Prince. She goes into the room where he and his lover lie sleeping and they look so beautiful and happy together that she can’t do it.

That’s why she kills herself. And because it was a noble act she returns to sea as foam.

One moral of the story was that women shouldn’t fundamentally change who they are for love of a man, and in theory Han Christian Anderson wrote it for a ballerina with whom he fell in love. She was marrying someone else who wouldn’t let her dance.

Holy shit

(Source: xxdardarxx, via aphprussia)

  • 25th June
    2013
  • 25

hellscabanaboy:

kismetjeska:

#in which Bruce Banner finally finds somebody who isn’t afraid to kid around with him #because he has a sense of humour after all #’i’m sorry, that was mean’ anyone? #but everybody tiptoes around him because ‘oh shit, he’s a monster’ #but then he meets Tony #someone who’s not afraid to be around him #someone who might actually be a friend #and that means so much to him and permeates so deep that even when he’s the fucking Hulk he still wants to save Tony’s ass #because by not treating the Hulk like a monster, Tony stopped him from being one

#SCIENCE BRO FEELS

#because by not treating the Hulk like a monster, Tony stopped him from being one

(Source: lawyerupasshole, via aphprussia)

  • 25th June
    2013
  • 25